life
is
like
one big rollercoaster ride of ups and downs.
but lets hope
the ups stay up
and the downs stay away.
every minute and every hour,
i feel like i'm going up
and then down again.
and up
and down once more.
screw them moodswings.
and stuff.
these constant inexplicable changes
are gonna be my bane
if they continue like this.
just watch.
c'mon.
spare me from this.
i'm getting too weird for my own good.
or is it just me?
and my insecurities.
and stuff.
no worries. its not you.
its just me.
and my stupid brain which refuses to stop thinking
and imagining.
Labels: Blues, Ramblings, Random
have you ever had
that feeling?
like you were so helpless
that you could not do anything.
anything at all,
but go with the flow
and put on a mask and pretend to be strong
while you knew deep down that you were not?
like you felt like you were going to cry,
but you knew that you just couldn't
for whatever reasons?
to keep that image intact,
to live up to your name,
to avoid all those questions,
and act like nothing was wrong?
tears may not flow so easily for me,
but even so,
they stream down inside me.
everytime i think of losing you,
(not that i even have you in the first place)
-that sinking feeling
just comes.
so will someone please help me,
and tell me
what in the world should i do??
today has been one of the most difficult days in my life.
i think it really ranks up there.
it didnt start out good at all, they took our valuables for safekeeping,
and refused to return them.
i felt so damn lost without my phone.
LOST and LONELY.it was a totally emo day.
i doubt i've ever felt so horrible in recent history.
there were prolonged periods when i felt so lost,
so lonely even though there were people around.
if not for yi xuan, i would have stoned the whole day.
luckily, i got my phone back somehow.
best move of the day.
it was salvation.
who better to rescue me than my very own superhero, tis! =))
[you sew your own cloak]
smsing her really kinda cheered me up muchly.
the ranting and moaning to each other was life-saving.
you don't know how grateful i am.
honest. (:
not to forget mer, grace, rachelchew and jaf for the smses!
i really really do miss all you guys whom i've left behind!
thanks to everyone who's been behind me all this while,
encouraging me and trying to cheer me up.
i appreciate it,
deeply.
thank god for friends.
My a01
My a01 lies over the ocean.
My a01 lies over the sea.
My a01 lies over the ocean.
O bring back my a01 to me.
Bring back, bring back,
Bring back my a01 to me,to me.
Bring back, bring back,
Bring back my a01 to me.
adapted from "My Bonnie".
today, i was but constantly thinking about you.please, tell me tell me what to do.Labels: Blues, Friends, Misc, Ramblings
since this is what's been chosen for me, i guess thats it.
i won't even bother hiding my disappointment.
its a fact.
i totally am disappointed.
especially the part where i'm leaving everyone behind.
old friends,
new friends,
seniors,
classmates,
hockey teammates,
schoolmates.
sorry that i never had the time to know you guys better,
i'm truly, deeply sorry.
to you
-whom you may or may not know who you are-:just when i thought i was beginning to find what i've been missing all my life,
someone just had to pull us apart.
but i'll never forget you guys and the wonderful times we've had together.
trust me-
never.
in actual fact, all i am now is confused.
tired, and confused.
sad, tired and confused.
upset, sad, tired and confused.
i have no idea what to expect tomorrow.
now that i'm here,
a little help,
please?
thanks to everyone who's touched my life.
especially,
you.(check back in future for possible individual shoutouts.) =)
Labels: Blues, Friends, Misc, Ramblings
that's that i guess.
in a few hours, i'll be posted to wherever i'm destined to be.
this feeling's one of the worse that can ever happen to one.
being entirely powerless.
could it be:
maybe,
this is just not where i belong?
i can never put into words how i feel.
perhaps not now,
maybe next time;
when i can think clearly once again.
but till then,
i guess i'll just
suffer in
silence.
the turmoil that's just brewing in me,
over
and over
and over
and over
again.
boil, reboil.
reboil, reboil.
can you feel it?
so many different things
running through my head.
over and over again.
do you know how much i enjoy spending time with you?
do you,
feel how i feel?
like i think and hope so badly that you do?
i know this is a bad time
really bad timing.
but i have no control over it.
i'm so sorry,
but i can really do nothing.
so what sirs and madams above, are your plans for me?
will someone
tell me,
please?
Labels: Blues, Misc
happy chinese new year!
so, the first day of the lunar new year's almost over.
i've had better.
for some reason, it just didn't feel as good as it felt in the past 16+ years.
relatively boring except for the occasional visit by relatives.
perhaps its due to the change in the routine schedule that my family has followed for many years;
or might it be because of the many uncertainties swirling in the air right now;
or maybe its just me.
maybe i'm just being stupid.
i'm really sorry,
i try,
but it doesn't feel like that happy a new year.
lets hope the next 2 days as well as the following 362 are better.
dammit, i have tons of homework to be done;
so much work, so little time.
i doubt i'll be able to do them.
should i continue running for council?
where will i be posted to?
so many unanswered questions, no answers.
i can't help it, but feel like i'm turning into some emo loser with constant moodswings.
someone save me, please.
i can predict that,
this month is gonna be one of the hardest ones to live through in my life.
please give me the strength.
why do i keep thinking of you?
the strength to make the right decisions,
the strength to treasure what i have,
the strength to get over disappointments,
the strength to start afresh,
the strength to be myself.
Labels: Blues, Misc, Occasions
