do you ever have times when
you feel like
life
is all but
a dream?
one big, unreal and messed up dream.
you want to wake up.
you try so hard.
you hit yourself,
pinch yourself,
and no matter what, you just can't seem to end the nightmare.
you gather your strength,
try and focus your thoughts,
but you realise that you are not strong enough.
you're just too weak.
take a deep breath, kid;
they say.
pick yourself up and move on.
sounds easy.
yet its far from that.
and yet sometimes, you just don't feel like moving on.
cling on.
hard.
hope that it gets better.
when a welcome respite arrives,
you're glad.
no,
you're absolutely relieved and delighted.
but nah.
no such thing.
(i think.)
to you:i know its a hard time. for you. and for me. for everyone around us.
it would be extremely selfish, foolish and immature of me to blame this entirely on you;
because i know, its not your fault. it really really isn't.
i'm beginning to understand your position,
and i respect your decision.
so please, don't be so hard on yourself.
i was hurt and i still am and i won't deny that.
it hurt, so bad. i felt like i would die. felt like dying. felt like ending it all. i really did.
but yet deep down somewhere, i know i really should be thanking you instead.
for being honest and straightforward, no matter how hard that was.
so please, give me some time.
i won't lie that i'm okay. because truth is, i'm not. at all.
yet, i'll try. try to make this all right.
sorry for being so weak.
sorry for everything.
i know that this is hurting you too,
and i'm so so so so sorry for that.
so if I can do anything to help, please please do let me know.
you're no loser. you're but only human.
i can't stop thinking of it. i really can't.
i try so hard. i really do.
but it still hangs there in that corner of my mind.
lingering around.
refusing to budge.
i don't want you to be hurting.
i really really don't, as much as i'm hurting.
i don't want you to suffer what i'm suffering.
nobody should ever have to.
that neverending sinking feeling,
that bottomless pit.
the emptiness and fear that surrounds and engulfs me,
when i realise that there won't be anyone there to save me.
(or will there?)
yet i'll always be here for you.
must we always read between the lines?
