so, shred the test's script up?


the relentless knocking on the door is back.
sounds like trouble.

a blanket of emotions cloud your eyes;
fear?
check.

anxiety?
check.

hopelessness?
check.

despair?
check.

sounds familiar?

thoughts flood your mind,
unhappy ones. of course.

you think;

something's gone wrong.

not again?
what's wrong with the world?
why's this happening to me?
WHY ME??
am i cursed?

but didn't you just survive the previous test?
where's the sun where its supposed to be,
behind the dark gloomy clouds and the accompanying storm?

you don't see it.

you're tired.

it's torture everytime you see it.
everytime you realise what's happening.
you have to live a lie.
a lie which intricately involves your loved one.
loved ones.

it hurts,
to see people suffer.
people you love
people you care for
people you wished you had treated better.

if only....

but wait,
it isn't time yet, is it?

it isn't too late.

even though it's so hard to bear,
this bitter pill that just gets stuck in your throat
and becomes this lump.

this lump that stays there in your throat.

that chokes you
that deprives you of your breath.

yes, the tears will come.
yes, the pain will come.
yes, that helplessness will come.




but yes,

i'll be here.


every.
single.
step.

alltheway.


easier said than done.
it's gonna be a hard road for you
a hard journey.

but no matter how bad a knock you get
(there are gonna be some hard ones coming, for sure)

even the centre of the raging storm has a peaceful calm


brace yourself,
and take it like the (wo)man that i know you are.

just grit your teeth till it hurts,
clench your fists till they turn blue,
tear at your hair till they come out,
bite me till i bleed.

whatever it is,


just

be my strong girl.

hold on,
tight
and never let go.








i love you.

so. very. much.